Ashley Hudgens Ashley Hudgens

Self-Worth Struggles in Emerging Adulthood: A Therapist’s Guide

“I Thought I’d Feel Better By Now…”

If you’re in your 20s or early 30s and still struggling to feel “good enough,” you’re not alone.

Maybe you’re juggling work, school, family expectations—or all three—yet somehow it still

feels like you’re failing. You’re constantly questioning your worth, replaying conversations

in your head, and wondering why things feel so heavy when they’re “supposed to be the

best years of your life.”

As a therapist who works with emerging adults, I hear this a lot:

“I feel like I’m behind.”

“I don’t know who I am without being ‘the responsible one.’”

“Why do I need so much external validation just to feel okay?”

Why Self-Worth Feels So Fragile in Emerging Adulthood

Emerging adulthood (roughly ages 18–29) is a time of major transition: identity formation,

career uncertainty, changing relationships, and increased independence. These years are

packed with pressure, comparison, and unclear milestones.

1. External Validation is Addictive (and Hard to Shake)

If you grew up people-pleasing, overachieving, or being the “helper,” your self-worth may

have been tied to how useful or successful you were to others. When grades, praise, or

caretaking roles fall away in adulthood, it can feel like you’ve lost your compass.

2. Social Media Fuels the Comparison Trap

You see engagement announcements, job promotions, fitness glow-ups—and suddenly your

own life feels like it’s missing something. Self-worth becomes a comparison game you can’t

win.

3. Unhealed Childhood Wounds Start Surfacing

Childhood messages like “You’re too sensitive,” “Don’t be selfish,” or “Only good kids get

love” don’t magically disappear at 18. They often show up in your inner voice, making you

question your value when things get hard.

Signs Your Self-Worth Might Be Struggling

  • You feel guilty saying no or setting boundaries.

  • You apologize often—even when you didn’t do anything wrong.

  • You need constant reassurance from friends, partners, or employers.

  • You overanalyze your mistakes and assume people are mad at you.

  • You measure your worth by your productivity, appearance, or achievements.

These aren’t personality flaws—they’re coping strategies. You likely learned them to feel

safe, loved, or accepted.

You Can Rebuild Self-Worth (Without Earning It)

You don’t have to keep proving your worth. In therapy, we work on the idea that your worth

is inherent—not earned, not negotiated, not conditional.

1. Name the Narratives

Start noticing your inner dialogue. Are you saying things like:

-“I should be further along.”

- “I’m too much.”

- “I don’t deserve rest until I’ve been productive.”

Ask yourself: Where did I learn this? Who benefits from me believing this?

2. Practice Self-Compassion (Even When You’re Struggling)

Self-worth doesn’t come from perfection. It grows when you offer yourself grace during

imperfection.

Try saying:

- “I’m allowed to rest even if everything isn’t done.”

- “Struggling doesn’t make me weak—it makes me human.”

- “My value doesn’t disappear when I disappoint someone.”

3. Stop Chasing, Start Rooting

Rather than chasing confidence through accomplishments or relationships, therapy helps

you root your worth internally. We explore values, boundaries, and identity outside of roles

like “the achiever” or “the caretaker.”

How Therapy Can Help You Build Self-Worth

You don’t have to untangle all of this alone. Therapy provides a space where your worth

isn’t questioned—it’s assumed.

At Lotus Rising Counseling Services, we specialize in helping teens, young adults, and

millennials explore:

  • People-pleasing patterns and burnout

  • Emotional regulation and DBT skills

  • Identity development and self-esteem

  • Trauma recovery and boundary setting

We work virtually across North Carolina, meeting you wherever you are—in your healing,

your questions, or your pajamas.

You Are Not Broken—You Are Rising

Self-worth isn’t a finish line. It’s a relationship you build with yourself over time.

If you’re tired of feeling not enough, too much, or lost in the expectations of who you’re

supposed to be—you’re not alone. And more importantly, you don’t have to stay stuck

there.

Ready to start rewriting your self-worth story?

Book a free consultation or learn more about how we can work together:

https://www.lotusrisingcs.com/contact and https://www.lotusrisingcs.com/services

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